Best Community Quotes: Hilarious Greendale Shenanigans

I discovered at a very early age that if I talked long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So either I am God or truth is relative, and in either case, booyah.

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The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned by name in my s*icide note.

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I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, b*tchier sister. Hope is the deformed, addict-bound, incest-monster offspring of entitlement and fear.

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TV is the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.

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Love is a gamble always. But waiting won't change the dice. You either roll them or you lose your turn.

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I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV makes sense. It has structure, logic, rules and likable leading men. In life we have this. We have you.

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Besides, an asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes just before the world ends?

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You lose the jacket to please them, you keep it to piss them off. Either way, it's for them. That's the weak.

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The fact is everyone's dying. And we all have these little notions that we're the exception, but we're as wrong as we are dead.

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Can you believe that's how we come into this world? Screaming, crying, covered in crap? And then somewhere along the lines we get into our heads that we're destined to greatness.

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Best Community Quotes: Hilarious Greendale Shenanigans

All Things Awe

May 31, 2024

I discovered at a very early age that if I talked long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So either I am God or truth is relative, and in either case, booyah.

Jeff

The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned by name in my s*icide note.

Jeff

I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, b*tchier sister. Hope is the deformed, addict-bound, incest-monster offspring of entitlement and fear.

FRANKIE

TV is the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.

JEFF

Love is a gamble always. But waiting won't change the dice. You either roll them or you lose your turn.

SHIRLEY

I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV makes sense. It has structure, logic, rules and likable leading men. In life we have this. We have you.

JEFF

Besides, an asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes just before the world ends?

PIERCE

You lose the jacket to please them, you keep it to piss them off. Either way, it's for them. That's the weak.

JEFF

The fact is everyone's dying. And we all have these little notions that we're the exception, but we're as wrong as we are dead.

JEFF

Can you believe that's how we come into this world? Screaming, crying, covered in crap? And then somewhere along the lines we get into our heads that we're destined to greatness.

JEFF